There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
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