pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Don't make out with my wife yet
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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