Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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