I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
