is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
