Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
You made out with two different species that night
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
