I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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