I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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