You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
