he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize