toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
FUCK WHALES
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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