can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
