I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
