The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize