Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
