mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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