i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
