Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
