i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
