What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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