My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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