My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
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Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
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We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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