a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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