just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
