I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
