he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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