I have demons in me.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
