I wanna passion pit in your ass
i may or may not be watching the land before time
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
