I wanna passion pit in your ass
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
You left your phone here
Wait...
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