And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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