google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
