Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
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I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
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I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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