I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
