life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
