i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
