I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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