Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
and i looked up. we had an audience...
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
