I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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