We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
