Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
