I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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