You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
