She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
