can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
