just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
