My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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