I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
it's like iHOP with fire
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Randomize
