Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
