so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Barsexuality is the new black.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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