According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
