I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
