no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
