i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
We had to coat check the pizza.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
