dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
