I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Panties = found
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