Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
