Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
