Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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