I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
