I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
We just shotgunned beers for America
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
