Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
wrigley field is MILF paradise
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
