Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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