not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
The power of my boobs compel you
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize
