I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
