dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I am one with the molecules
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
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