fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
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