So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
