It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
