i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
