and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
either way he was missing a nipple.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
