I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
