GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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