Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
