he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
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