You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
