my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
pray to the hookup gods
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
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