u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Randomize
