I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
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