we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
