I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
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