I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
