so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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