I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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