i think my mom watched the whole time
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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