Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
